Having “the” Talk with Your Kids (and We're Not Talking About Sex)

Part of raising children is teaching them what they need to know for independent adult life. One of the greatest gifts a parent can give a child is education about substance use. 

In a world where many substances are all too easy to access (and sometimes even encouraged), it’s important for your child to understand the risks associated with alcohol, drugs, and nicotine.

Read on for our breakdown on having The Substance Talk with children of any age.

Talking to Children Eight and Under About Substance Use
- Look for teachable moments. In your everyday interactions with your young child, look for ways to point out substance use and discuss the consequences at an age-appropriate level. These moments could come from TV, movies, or real life.
- Talk about the importance of caring for our bodies. Even young children can understand that there are healthy choices (such as eating, sleeping, drinking water, or moving our bodies) and harmful choices (smoking, drinking too much alcohol, or using other substances).
- Teach young children to say no. Make sure your child understands how to refuse a harmful or unwanted substance. Let them know it’s okay to say no in these situations.

Talking to Eight- to Twelve-Year-Olds About Substance Use
- Focus on your relationship. Young kids and tweens are often still open to talking to their parents; don’t let this slip away as your child approaches their teen years. It’s normal for children to seek more independence as they get older, but don’t forget to nurture your relationship and encourage your child to share with you.
- Ask your child what they’ve heard. At this age, kids may start to hear about alcohol, drugs, and nicotine from their peers at school. With a calm tone, ask about what they’ve heard—and be prepared to listen before you launch into a lecture. 
- Learn together. If your child has questions about substances, be prepared to answer—and plan to spend time together researching anything you don’t know. Children at this age may be interested to learn in detail about the effects of certain substances. Our free article library includes articles by topic on many different substances, and we also offer many local educational programs. 
- Consider media representation. Is your child watching anything that glamorizes alcohol or other substances? Try to talk about what they’re watching and discuss whether the characters are making healthy choices.

Talking to Teenagers About Substance Use
- Understand your teen’s friend group. Ask if any of your teen’s friends have experimented with drugs. Then listen in a nonjudgmental way and discuss the possible consequences.
- Talk about driving safety. As teens start getting behind the wheel, be sure to emphasize the importance of driving sober.
- Give your teen an out. Let your teen know that you’d rather they call you at any hour—no questions asked—than drive impaired or ride with an impaired driver.
- Discuss both short- and long-term consequences. While teens can conceptually understand long-term consequences (such as addiction or health problems), it may be more motivating to give them short-term reasons why certain substances are harmful. For example, alcohol can make it hard to keep their grades up, and vaping can impact their appearance and athletic performance. 

Substance Use Guidelines For Any Age
There are a few things any parent can do, regardless of their child’s age.

- Be clear about your stance on substances. Make sure your child understands what you consider okay and not okay.
- Set a good example. Does your child see you drinking or using other substances at home? What sort of conversations do they overhear? Do you talk about alcohol or other drugs in ways that make them seem fun or relaxing (even if the conversation isn’t directed at your child)? Be aware of the messages your child may be perceiving.
- Store substances safely. Consider what you have available in your home. Can your child or teen easily access alcohol or prescription medications? Think about ways to better secure these items.
- Talk with your kids every day. Make it a point to connect with your child regularly—and not just about substance use. Trusting relationships aren’t built only on scolding and cautionary lectures. Be sure to invest in your child’s life and maintain open communication. A child who feels safe with their parent is more likely to open up about challenging topics.
- Be prepared to have many discussions about substances. This isn’t a one-and-done type of issue. Kids and teens may need some time to fully understand the gravity of substance use. Plan to bring up the topic many times and continue the dialogue intentionally at every developmental stage.
- Let your child know you care. Kids of any age are eager to show their independence—and they may react strongly to any perceived “control” over their behavior. Instead of imposing an iron fist with strict rules and parental prying, try to emphasize how much you care about your child and their health. Encourage them to make healthy choices for themselves—which is something they’ll need to do throughout their adult lives.
- Learn to recognize the warning signs. The Mayo Clinic offers a list of potential warning signs that a child is using drugs or alcohol. A few possible red flags are changes in friends, altered appearance, requests for money, irresponsible behavior, lethargy, and social withdrawal. There are many other signs that could point toward substance use.

If you have questions about talking to your child about substance use, reach out to LEAF at (607) 432-0090. Our mission is to strengthen families and build a healthy community!

Sources:
Mayo Clinic. “What Parents Should Know about Teen Drug Abuse.” Accessed July 31, 2024. https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/tween-and-teen-health/in-depth/teen-drug-abuse/art-20045921. 

Office of Addiction Services and Supports, New York State. “Talk2Prevent Parent Toolkit.” Accessed July 31, 2024. https://oasas.ny.gov/talk2prevent-parent-toolkit. 

Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA). “‘Talk. They Hear You.’® Campaign,” March 10, 2014. https://www.samhsa.gov/talk-they-hear-you.

“Talking to Your Child About Drugs (for Parents).” November 2020. https://kidshealth.org/en/parents/talk-about-drugs.html.