How to Talk to Teens About Substance Use

With children of any age, it’s important to communicate clearly, firmly, and lovingly about the effects of substance use. Teens in particular may need guidance to make healthy choices around drugs, alcohol, or nicotine.

Read on for our guidelines on how to talk with your teen about substances.

Establish Trust and Connection.

If you aren’t doing this already, work on your relationship with your child. Consider every day a chance to “make a deposit” in their “bank;” the bank is your reserve of shared trust and connection, and every time you make a positive connection, you make another deposit.

Marriage and relationship researcher Dr. John Gottman coined “the magic ratio”—he claims that successful relationships have five positive or neutral interactions for every negative one during times of conflict resolution (Rusnak 2024).

Although Dr. Gottman’s work focuses mainly on married couples, the ratio is helpful to keep in mind for any relationship.

Aim for more positive interactions with your teen so that when it’s time to talk about something serious, they’re ready to listen.

Don’t Wait for the “Perfect Time.”

There is no “perfect time” and there is no “perfect way” to talk about substance use with your child. Bring it up often.

The conversation doesn’t have to scare or intimidate your teen, but parents should talk regularly about substance use in a variety of ways.

At the end of this article, we provide several ideas for conversation starters.

Be Positive.

The American Psychological Association reports that young people today do not respond well to scare tactics alone (Abrams 2024).

While it’s important to be realistic about the effects of substance use, adolescents may feel more empowered by a separate conversation about healthy choices and lifestyle goals.

Additionally, while parents may be tempted to hold a long-term consequence over a teenager’s head, consider if there are shorter-term repercussions that resonate more with your child. For example, in addition to talking about the cancer risks associated with nicotine use, also mention the immediate effects, such as bad breath, yellow teeth, impact on athletic performance, or the high cost of the habit (“8 Tips for Talking to Kids About Drugs” n.d.).

Let Them Know You Care.

Parents may be tempted to make the substance conversation all about rules—“in this house, we never…or else…!” (Fill in the blanks.)

Be sure to frame any substance talk around your concern for your child. You, as a parent or caregiver, love your child and want to see them enjoy a happy, healthy future. Communicate that you want your teen to be informed and responsible in their decision-making.

Model Safe Behavior with Alcohol and Other Substances.

Even if teens don’t seem to think Mom and Dad are “cool,” they are still watching and learning from your behavior. Be aware of how your choices may affect your child’s perceptions of how to handle nicotine, alcohol, or drugs (including prescriptions).

A Few Conversation Starters:

• Share a story or statistic you’ve recently encountered (and be on the lookout for relevant articles and news).
• Ask questions about your teen’s friends. Get a sense for who else may be using substances, how often, and your child’s perceptions of the behavior.
• Regularly ask your teen if they have any questions about drugs, alcohol, or tobacco—and if you don’t know the answer, involve your child in learning together.
• Ask your child what they’ve seen on social media about alcohol, drugs, or nicotine.
• Discuss a substance’s effects on driving.
• Discuss a substance’s effects on athletic performance.
• Ask your teen what they know about overdosing and follow up with a discussion.
• If appropriate, involve your child in researching a substance for yourself (for example, a pain medication prior to a surgery).
• Be honest about family members who struggle with addiction. Encourage your child to share their thoughts. Talk through the genetic nature of addictions.

More Ideas for Talking About Teen Substance Use:

The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) provides many substance-specific guides here. We encourage you to peruse their library. We also suggest checking our blog for more information on specific topics related to substance use.

If you need support for your family, please contact LEAF at (607) 432-0090. Our staff can connect you with resources to promote healthy lifestyles—free from substance use.

Sources:

Abrams, Zara. 2024. “More Teens Than Ever Are Overdosing. Psychologists Are Leading New Approaches to Combat Youth Substance Misuse.” Https://Www.Apa.Org. March 1, 2024. https://www.apa.org/monitor/2024/03/new-approaches-youth-substance-misuse.

Commonwealth of Massachusetts Department of Public Health. n.d. “Talk to Your Kids About Prescription Medications.” Mass.Gov. Accessed April 15, 2024. https://www.mass.gov/info-details/talk-to-your-kids-about-prescription-medications.

“How to Talk to Your Kids About Prescription Drug Abuse.” 2021. Pacific Health Systems. July 29, 2021. https://pacifichealthsystems.com/blog/how-to-talk-to-your-kids-about-prescription-drug-abuse/.

Rusnak, Kari. 2024. “The Magic Ratio: The Key to Relationship Satisfaction.” The Gottman Institute. March 5, 2024. https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-magic-ratio-the-key-to-relationship-satisfaction/#:~:text=He%20coined%20it%20as%20the,negative%20ratio%E2%80%9420%3A1.

“8 Tips for Talking to Kids About Drugs.” n.d. HealthPark Pediatrics. Accessed April 15, 2024. https://www.healthparkpediatrics.com/tips-for-talking-to-kids-about-drugs/.